To Myself I Turned
by Semaphora
Summary: She should have left when she had the chance. BBRae.


**DISCLAIMER and AUTHORS NOTE: **This is my first Teen Titan's fanfic. As you can tell by the summary, it's obviously a oneshot. But oneshot or no, I hope you enjoy it it. Teen Titans, of course, is not owned by me, but by the legendary DC comics. I just like to toy around with their characters in fanfiction. I know, I'm a sick and twisted individual.

Lyrics by _Lacuna Coil_. Modifications are by me.

* * *

It was the dead of midnight. A familiar, young Titan's amethyst eyes drew to a close. She felt sleep become of her – she was put forth to the bosom of calmitude from the goddess of the dark.

And she dreamed.

---  
I was born in another world  
Strictly connected to a piece of my mind  
---

_Corridors. Dark, humid, long corridors. It took her a moment to realise that she was in Titan's Tower. The familiarity of the rooms began to fill her with a slightly more comforting feeling._

_She found herself subconsciously falling through the twists and turns of the place, recognising significant and similar markings on the walls that let her know exactly where her place in the Tower was._

_I wonder…_

_Soon, she realised where her mind was taking her. She floated serenely, her feet not touching the ground as she manoeuvred her path towards the threshold of the door that would lead into the main living room of the place._

_She brushed a strand of mauve hair out of her face, tucking it silently behind her ear. A second later, it fell back into its original place. She sighed in annoyance, but left it well alone. One. Two. Three. Four. Five steps before she was completely through the doorsill._

_Her night-clothes stuck to her frame as if they were skin-tight. She adorned only a simple black body-suit, with none of her usual belts or cloaks or leotards. It was so dark out, that it didn't matter what she wore, as long as it was comfortable enough to sleep in._

_Inside the dreamscape – or what she believed was a dreamscape, for she was never sure between the fine line of reality and dream – she had no idea what the purpose of being in Titan's tower was. Usually her dreams had some significance, perhaps precognition, if you will, so why shouldn't this one?_

_She paused. What significant event could happen at home?_

_To find the answers she would seek, she made her way out into the opening. She felt slight relief at the spacious, unoccupied area and let her mind touch the surfaces of all that was there._

_Suddenly, the air – previously fresh and breathable – changed. Her eyes widened as she felt a presence. An unknown presence. Of course, as she was able to brush across the surface of the spirits of her friends many a time, she knew their direct soul signature. This one was completely foreign._

_In fact, she was convinced it wasn't even human._

_Suddenly fearing for her friends, she pulled down the lever that activated the emergency control. Any second now, they would all come out after hearing the infernal, synthetic beeping from their person…_

_Bleep. Bleep. Short, precise. Robin._

_Beeeep. Beeeep. The long, drawn out sound belonged to Cyborg's beacon._

_Dooot. Dooot. The high-pitched, melodious sound of Starfire's locator._

_And the final one, not including her own…_

_A karaoke synthetic recreation of their theme song. Beastboy. She almost rolled her eyes –_

– _Until she realised that Beastboy's was coming from below her._

---  
I am the princess here  
Nothing wrong in my fantasy world  
---

'_No…' She looked down._

_Her amethyst eyes met cold, dead green ones. Her eyes widened in complete shock as she stepped away from the body…_

…_Only to come into contact with the second, inert figure. Again, looking down, her eyes met another pair of dead, grass-green eyes. These were foreign in shape. 'S-Starfire…' She whispered, stuttering after feeling her body shaking like mad._

_There was a monstrous roar from somewhere in the room. Raven felt something like a knife or sharp object being pressed up against her back. Without hesitation, whatever it was behind her stuck the knife clean through her chest. Pain exploded through her entire being and she felt herself loosing blood as if it was merely water from a tap. It gushed down her lower body, warm and full of life…_

_Just like she was…_

…_Not for long._

_Everything went black. The last resonation made from her colourless lips was a name. The name of a familiar, green, changeling._

'_Beastboy.'_

* * *

Raven screamed as she plummeted back into consciousness. It was the sudden withdrawal from her dreamscape and back into her own mind that caused the swift, falling effect. But in that moment, she didn't care how she woke.

Immediately, the amethyst-eyed teenager sprung upwards and into a sitting position, her muscles contracting painfully. She felt her heart beating a million miles per minute – it was thumping in her chest uncontrollably. Her eyes widened and she clutched her neck as if something had been chocking her, constricting her access to oxygen.

---  
When did I hear this wind before  
Change like this to a deep roar?  
---

The air, however, was the last thing on her mind right then. In fact, majority of her anxiety was spurred from the pain in her heart… that raw feeling of fear and dread that overtook her from the context of her dream.

_Dream… A dream…_

Her eyes stared blankly into the darkness, but she didn't comprehend the black that she was seeing. All she could think or see or feel was the vacant, dead stare of the blood-stained body on the floor. _My friends._ She didn't cry, shake or move. Silence overtook the room, as midnight often did.

The pain in her heart was becoming almost unbearable with every passing moment. It seemed to be having a numbing effect, where it would shut her down from the inside out. She didn't care. She wished she would just freeze. Then, maybe, she wouldn't have to see the bodies or hear the screams or dream the dreams ever again.

Questions should have risen in her mind. They should have filled her brain with so many of their quizzical applicants that she couldn't think of anything else but the process of answering them. But they didn't.

She didn't wonder why she had such a dream or, in fact, whether it even _was_ a dream. She didn't ponder anything. She stopped thinking, stopped remembering, stopped everything but breathing.

---  
As you see I'm the only survivor in this land…  
---

* * *

Beastboy was enjoying the thrill of creeping around Titans Tower at the dead of night, his main focus the kitchen and a certain slice of cold cheese pizza that he could have sworn just spelled his name. As he opened the appliance, the cold air came gushing out into the vicinity and the backlight switched on and bathed the room with light.

_Or, well, as much light as a fridge really can give to a room that's almost the size of a tennis court,_ he thought, shrugging.

Any doubt was released from his mind when he saw the said cold pizza sitting rather contently on one side of the fridge. He could feel himself drooling at the layers of cheese and tomato in his wake. _And the best thing is – no meat!_

His hands were outstretched, reaching out for the cold, porcelain plate that hosted his midnight binge. 'Come to me, my –'

Beastboy, however, never even got to pre-heat the pizza, let alone even touch it. For when he was just about to enclose himself around the plate, a scream echoed through the Tower.

With his acute senses, he reached out through the darkness. His ears still echoed with the scream.

A brief second of thought crossed his mind at why nobody else was running to see what the sound was, when he realised that it was coming from the other side of the living quarters.

He frowned. _In fact…_

Beastboy felt his heart leap inside his chest – and it wasn't a good leap, either.

_I think that came from… Raven's Room!_

Panic ensued. He ran from his place in the kitchen, leaving the fridge door wide open and the pizza forlorn in his wake. He didn't care that they would probably get a hefty electricity bill for leaving the door open, or that Cyborg would probably take his precious midnight snack. In all actuality, the only thing on his mind was the concern and safety of one of his fellow Titans.

_Not just any other Titan – Raven!_ His mind objected. He was too worried to bother with the thought or what he meant by Raven being unlike any other Teen Titan in the building.

Soon, he rounded the corner of the corridor leading towards the silver, metallic door that led to his friend's quarters. The large sign: RAVEN, was imprisoned in stencil font across the top – and in the centre alignment – of the door.

He raised his hand and hit the door three times, resulting in three, steady and loud knocks on the door. Anyone from inside the room would have heard it, even Raven.

_Maybe not… _There was nothing. No response. No scream. No noise. Nothing.

'Ok. That obviously didn't work.' He said, speaking to no one in particular. Plan B was put into motion.

He called out, 'R-Raven?' His tone was as steady as he could manage. Which, actually, wasn't all that steady considering. 'Raven, are you ok?' There was still no reply.

Beastboy bit his lip. His senses were never wrong. Or, well, hardly ever. He had heard the scream as clear as day and knew exactly where it had been pinpointed. He was certain that he was not wrong. Positive.

A dejected sigh rose to his throat. _She's going to kill me for this._

With every fibre of his being, Beastboy transformed and, with as much precision as he could manage, knocked down the door in a single, swift motion.

* * *

WHUMP.

The sound echoed through the room. Raven heard it, but she didn't move. Her eyes were rooted firmly to the bed sheets below, still half-covering her pale, thin frame. Denial.

Beastboy ran into the room half-assed. Ambled, more like it. He almost tripped over his own feet as he bounded into the bedroom of his fellow, otherworldly Titan. It didn't matter whether or not he tripped, he needed to find…

'Raven?' He asked, looking over at the unmoving, immobile figure.

She was just sitting there. Her hair fell over her eyes, which seemed to be focusing on something rather interesting on her bed. Upon searching, even with his honed vision, he could see nothing. Her arms held each other. There was no movement at all in her frame.

That is, until his words seemed to hit her previously deaf ears. Her head turned towards him. Her eyes, heliotrope and wide open, almost bore a hole into him. She stared intensely into his emerald-coloured eyes and he shuddered, feeling as if when she looked up at him like that, she was looking deep into his soul.

For a single moment, nothing was said. Raven's broad, purple eyes just stared as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her gaze was slightly unnerving for the poor, worried changeling.

'Are you alright?' The question came, on instinct more than actual thought.

She replied; her voice low as if speaking was truly exhausting to exercise in full volume. 'Are you alive?'

---  
These spotlights are here again…  
---

He stepped back, right then, taken aback by the context of the question. 'W-Wha?' She didn't move to explain herself. The silence caved into the conversation once more. Awkwardness became of them.

'I-I guess so.' He said, after a while.

Raven looked away.

Sucking in all his courage, hoping that it wasn't a mistake for interrupting his emotional friend, Beastboy stepped in closer to her. After hearing no complaint from the obviously unwell female, he made his way towards her bed, feeling more and more anxious as he closed in on her position.

After all the years they had spent fighting together as Titans, Beastboy had never really been allowed in Raven's bedroom. Of course, he had snuck in a couple of times, and almost always got in trouble for it, but usually Raven would have kicked him out already if that was the case. _Something must really be wrong._

He repeated, 'Raven, are you alright?' She said nothing.

As if a need to explain himself and his presence was in order, Beastboy began to babble nervously, not really comprehending what he was saying, even to himself. It was an old, dirty habit he had never really managed to get rid of. 'I woke up to go get a drink when I heard a scream and I rushed to your door, but you wouldn't answer so I knocked it down, which I'm really sorry about, by the way, so please don't yell at me…'

Obviously still shaken by the dream that had overtaken her sleep and screwed up all of her emotions, as well as the appearance of Beastboy, whom, albeit knowing that her dream was really just that, a dream, she had thought to be less-than-well, Raven did something that, under normal circumstances, would be the last action she would ever take in dealing with Beastboy.

She threw herself at him, embracing his thin, oddly-coloured frame tightly. 'You're alive,' She whispered huskily, feeling her emotions beginning to breakdown with relief.

_Alive. He's alive._ Beastboy cocked an eyebrow. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

She pulled away. Her eyes found the darkness. Nothing but the darkness. She felt it numbing her eyes and soon, she could see nothing else. Or was that the tears?

---  
I can't see anything, I'm blind  
This nature of time and space  
Makes me sick of the simulation  
---

Beastboy looked at her. The green and utterly confused teenager blinked in complete surprise when he saw the faint, colourless lines of warmth cascading down her face. This time, it was her turn to ramble profusely.

Her revelation, however, was spurred more from hysterics than from habit, unlike Beastboy. 'I had a dream and I was waking and you were there but you were dead and everyone else was dead, too and I felt something come up behind me and before I could do anything about it, I was stabbed and felt a pain in my heart… and then I woke up and screamed.'

Raven believed his primary reaction would be to laugh at her, which was why she was so afraid of telling him anything personal about her, really. However, the Goth was highly surprised when he simply nodded at her, his green eyes softening in understanding.

Beastboy sat beside her, biting his lip. 'I'm not real good at all of this stuff.' He said, anxiously, 'I mean, I'm the funny guy…'

A sad smile crossed her face. Beastboy continued, his voice taking on a softer tone. 'But I have had bad dreams before. Nightmares, I mean. I know how they can screw people around. But…' He paused for effect. She looked up at him and silently urged him to go on. 'They're just dreams. They're not real.'

This time, he pulled her into a hug, holding her head to his chest. 'It's ok. You're safe, you know. We're all dandy. And just so you know… I wouldn't just die without a fight.' She chuckled, which turned into a silent sob.

---  
I'm starting to bleed another way  
I just need some time to complete myself  
---

He sighed. 'You know, Raven, I've never seen you like this before.' She looked up at him, her eyes rimmed with red. 'This side of you… It's… different.' A pause. 'But it's ok. It shows that you're human.'

Raven rolled her eyes, an action which gave Beastboy a comforting sense of normality. 'Beastboy. I'm a _half-demon_. Part of my heritage comes from Azarath, remember?' Ah. Sarcasm. The normal Raven was back already.

He had conflicting thoughts on the subject, in fact. Of course, it was relieving at the fact that she was fading back to normal, that nothing else seemed to be the problem. But the other, larger part of him enjoyed the slightly more open side to her.

Beastboy grinned sheepishly, 'Well, you're more human than you think.' She couldn't resist smiling back.

The smile turned into a snicker. 'You know, this doesn't change anything, right? You're still not funny.'

Beastboy pouts. 'Damn.' He said, in mock disappointment. Then he stood up to leave. 'I better go.' He moved towards the threshold of the entrance to the dark room, the door still off its hinges.

Before he could get out of the room, Raven spoke, averting her gaze from his departing figure to the ground below her. 'Thanks for being here.' She said, finally.

He just looked at her. 'No biggie.'

As he walked out the door, something bugged him immensely. 'Are my jokes really _that_ bad?'

'Yes, Beastboy, they are.'

'Aww.' He left.

Raven smiled sadly to herself. 'You know, they're not all that bad.'

Then she sighed and forced the overwhelming affection for her friend back into her subconsciousness, her emotions falling back into sync after experiencing the full force of his calming words.

There was a simple, small worry that somewhere in her mind, that affection was kept locked away, as well as other lethal emotions that could carry out her death sentence any day. But when she thought of the feelings she kept for the small, green boy, it didn't fill her with dread, like her fear for her friends lives in her dream.

Instead…

It filled her with hope.

---  
I couldn't know if I…  
If I will be strong enough for this  
I have to choose, do I want to live here?  
---

* * *

**End Note:** I would love for you to write your opinions to me in a review, both positive and negative. I have no problem with flames, just try not to lower my self-esteem TOO much…

But whatever. Happy reading.

Love,  
Exangeline.


End file.
